Time’s a changing…

So you may have noticed I haven’t blogged in a while, about 4 months to be exact.  Well, a funny thing happened on the way to the date….  I went back on Match in August 2010.  I thought I would just throw myself back into the dating pool, since nobody was knocking on my door.  I was also going to start doing web blogs on my dates.  THAT would have been a hoot!  I digress.

I go back on Match and was on for about a week and doing the usual chatting by email and text with a few seemingly nice men. And yes, there were some losers too, including the one who ended his email with love forever.  Who the fuck does that??  Guys, if you want to scare a women, or woman if you want to scare a guy, end your email with love forever before you’ve even spoken to them!  That was an automatic delete from me.

About a week or two after being on Match, I got a really funny email from a guy that (gasp) lives in my state!  Actually, in the Phoenix area!  It was the funniest email I had ever got, he actually read my profile, fit what I wanted in a man, and took some time to write a great email.  I responded back to him, but had a lot of stuff going on that weekend with my kids so kind of put him on the side.  He was pretty persistent, and we decided to go out on a Tuesday.

SO, we meet at a bar/restaurant and as soon as he walks in, I think, WOW!  He’s pretty cute!  I did my best to scare him off that date, being my badass self, and the more I talked with him, the more I liked him.  We went out on Wednesday too, and that is really strange for me to go on 2 dates in a row during the week with the same guy. I had a really great time on that date too, and we decided to spend that Saturday at a resort in town hanging by the pool.  Then Friday came and we went out to lunch and BAM!  That was that.  I was a smitten kitten.  And he was too.  Funny how the second to last blog that I wrote talked about me not having the love at first sight gene.  Maybe I just got the love at 3rd date gene instead!

We’ve been together for 4 months now and I’m thrilled to say, we got ENGAGED on Christmas Eve!  We are getting married next summer and I couldn’t be happier!  I guess it goes to show, that you can find the love of your life even after many, many years of looking.  Even a cynical single gal like myself can still find her happily ever after.

Now that brings me to this blog!  I’m going to morph it into a getting married blog!  I may be still keeping it to tell the single gals tales of woe.  Please send me ideas!  As soon as I get the new one rolling, I’ll share it with you.

In the still of the night…

Why is it when you go through a break up with someone for whatever reason, it hurts so much more at night??  Ever notice it?   You can go all through the day not even thinking about him, and soon as you’re home relaxing on the couch having a great glass of vino,  it hits you like a smack in the face.

It could be, we finally slow our minds down enough it allows those thoughts of the break up in, or it could be your drinking alcohol and it’s making you sad about it.  And why do we always focus on the good times and how much we miss them?? WTF is wrong with us??

We drink a little and all of a sudden, all their bad habits, you know the ones that are on your “what I hate about you list”  are not even in our heads, which they should be.  And btw, I know you all have “what I hate about you” lists, it’s when that list is longer than the “what I love about you” list is when you break up.  Especially when the hate list includes, how he eats, how he puts on his underwear, how he showers…… okay, those were on one of my lists before I broke up with the guy.  His love list was he was on time.  HAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Do you ever find yourself with someone you want to break up with and watch them eat and think to yourself, “I soooo fucking hate how you eat”!  I wonder if my eyes ever squint when I’m thinking that and looking at him. Thank God for botox, it keeps the disgusted expression off my face.  Anyway, let’s get back to the subject.

Late at night, when we drink and have time, is it the drinking and having time the reason we overlook the bad in the relationship??  Or are we being more honest with our feelings.  Btw, I always recommend removing the person you’ve broked up with phone number from your cell.  It helps to prevent drunky dialing or texting.  It really sucks when you wake up in the morning and look at your phone and your texts and think OMG, why the fuck did I send that??? I don’t really miss him, he sucked in bed so why did I text him and tell him I want to see him again?????

Loneliness mixed with wine will sometimes do baaaadddd things to you.  So, thank goodness for the morning light to shed some light on the fact that you’ve broke up with this person for good reasons, and you need to remember these reasons even during the still of the night.

Is there a love at first sight gene??

So, my sissy and I were talking this week about all the people who say they just “knew” when the met the love of their lives.  You know the story….. We saw each other from across the bar and our eyes connected and I told my girlfriend, “I’m gonna marry that man!”  Ugh, I think I just frew up a bit in my mouf.

They always go on to say, “He/she just gets me” or “I feel complete when I’m with him!”  Is it really possible to “know” when you meet someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with them??  What happens  if when you first talk to them, they have a really annoying voice, you gonna put up with that forever??

I’m not trying to discount the relationships that have started like this and are still intact, but do you really think that’s how it went down?  Or are they just trying to make a good story.  Truth is, they proly met on Match or another dating website  and are too embarrassed to talk about it, so they make up some big fat lie of a story to make the rest of us feel like shit for never having that happen to us too!

Is desperation playing into their choice of mates?  I think some people want to feel it so bad, they will take anyone, anywhere, anytime.  I used to work with a girl like that, every Monday it was the same story…… “He gets me and he thinks I’m so funny!”  Bitch please, you are not funny, I work with you, and you’re stupid.  And we have a nickname for you and it starts with Crazy…  She was such an effin nightmare, if I was a guy I would put a ball gag in her mouf just to shut her the fuck up.

So back to the gene deficiency my sissy and I have.  Do we blame our mom??  Or is it that we are much too practical or have been hurt too many times, that we’ve lost the ability believe in love at first sight?  Does the amount of hurt you’ve experienced continually jade you to the thought of love at first sight?? Or is it like Santa Clause?  We know we get presents, and when we are little and innocent we think we know where they come from, but eventually it’s one big slap in the Christmas morning face! Wake up Junior!  Santa doesn’t visit here anymore!!!!!

Okay, so don’t think I’m a bitch because I totally believe in love.  I want to find my happily ever after and am certain I will.  I just don’t think it’s going to start across a bar gazing into a strangers eyes…..

He doesn’t own dishes….

So, one of my friends at work meets a guy 2 weekends ago and thinks he’s really cute and decides to go out on a date with him.  They set up drinks and dinner for mid week, you know the kind of date that’s easy to bail out on, cuz suddenly you have to get to work “early” the next day??  Those dates, btw, highly underrated, they give you a chance to get to know someone without a lot of booze and a built in excuse.  Now, my friend is super cute and funny and smart and has her shit together, she is also in the low 30 age range so highly dateable.

They meet after work at a wine bar, and guess what, she want’s to look at the wine list and maybe share a bottle.  The guy who is in low 30 range too, doesn’t want any wine, because he doesn’t drink wine.  Kinda weird to someone my age, but okay, have a drink dude. Well, he doesn’t want a drink because he know no moderation.  It’s all or nothing for this one, either raging drunk or stone cold sober.  I would have left at that point, but then again, I’m a little jaded.

They get to know one another and the guy starts talking about how he doesn’t own any dishes.  Ok, this guy isn’t 19, he’s like 32 and he OWNS NO DISHES!!!!  WTF???? Is he living in his mom’s basement??  He should be!  He eats cereal outta a red party cup and tells her it’s easier to drink the milk that way.  He steals his silverware from Chipotle, and he doesn’t have a freaking wine glass, but once again, he doesn’t drink wine.

I want to tell him, dude, you are never getting laid by someone your age or within 5 years of your age.  There is no hanging out at his house making dinner and having a lovely glass of vino.  It’s carry out all the way and btw, if you don’t use that knife, can I have it??  Maybe he should cut his balls off with it, because he’s not going to need them anyway!

Women like things, like dishes and glasses and silverware that is different then the kind they use at the airport.  That means silverware, not plastic.  Target and Crate & Barrel are good resources guys for anyone who is interested and in this age group.  At least I got a good laugh out of the story, and my friend had a good reason to leave early.  She needed to be at work.

Let’s visit the age thing again…

So, last year, I wrote a blog about older dating younger and vice versa.  I went out on a girls night last night and was making observations at the bar.  There were some skanky younger girls really hitting on some older guys.  Ewwww, not for the older guys, but the outfits the girls were wearing!

I’m sorry, but if the dress is wider than it is long, umm a rethink is in order.  Not dissing on anyone here, but come on.  These guys were eating up what these girls were dishing out!  Now, I don’t know what the outcome of the evening was, (and I don’t want to know!) but my point is most of us were looking at the fashion, or lack there of, than the age difference.  There must have been 25-30 years diff and it was the men that were older.  Nobody really said anything about that and I don’t think anyone cared!

Now, let’s turn the tables.  There weren’t a lot of younger guys, older girls hanging out together.  Or, maybe the older girls just look so effin good that nobody knew!  HAHAHAHAHAH!  So, why as a society we really make a huge deal out of it.  Why are older women called cougars, and older guys called lucky?  I have a friend in my life who is younger than me and we actually have a lot in common.  For one, he likes to communicate.  It’s so nice to send a text and get one back!!  Or to get a text that is just sent, not in response to one!

Younger guys are more technical savvy and use social media and texting like girls do!  I see how much my son texts and we really are similar.  Why don’t older guys text?  I love to text so it sucks!  Do younger guys text more because they’ve grown up with it? They are comfortable with it, or is it because like my kids, have more of connection through these mediums than real in person conversation?  My kids minutes have gone way down with their ability to text, so I am always concerned they are losing the physical connection that I grew up with.

Now, back to the younger guy thing.  I have to say, I think it may be a good thing.  On an emotional level there are a lot of connections, now I don’t know if it’s because I’m so immature, or it’s just fun to talk to someone who listens to good music, has a fresh outlook on life and can share some feelings.  From a communication stand point, it’s nice to have a connection even if I’m not in the same location.  As for physical connection, I think it could be a great thing!  I’ve always dated 10-15 years older and we all know how that’s worked out!  Not so great!  Who knows what’s going to happen in the future, all I know is I’m going to enjoy my next week!

OMG? Did you see it on Facebook??

Isn’t it amazing how much Facebook, Myspace, Twitter and other social media sites have come to run our world?  I have a fb account and really like it to keep in touch with my kids, my friends and old friends and work stuff. It’s hooked into my crackberry and I do check it a few times a day.  What I think is really interesting though, is the role it plays in relationships.

My daughter has been hanging out with an old boyfriend of hers (who btw, really is a great kid) and I asked if they were dating. She told me that they haven’t made it “official”, but they aren’t seeing anyone else, so she guesses so.  Now, her fb status says single, and a girl she doesn’t really know chats with her to try and set her up with a guy she knows.  My daughter tells her no thanks, she’s seeing someone, and the girl is really surprised because it wasn’t on her status!  Does our status rule our lives??

WTF, does everything we do have to be made public?  Celebrities break up via twitter, people break up via text, and your fb status apparently is the barometer of your relationship status.  I remember when a friend broke up with a guy, I texted her and told her that her status changed from “in a relationship” to “single”.  She quickly deleted it so not to hurt the other person’s feelings.  And have you ever been defriended??  I’ve done it! It’s like a virtual bitch slap.  Take that!  We are even moving away from the gossip mags, to the star’s fb pages to get the latest dirt, or in the case of some stupid, probably stoned celebs, the latest rants.

The Twitter thing really doesn’t work well with me, I don’t feel like updating everyone every 15 minutes that I’m doing something else.  I mean, really, it’s not that interesting.  I don’t have a my space and most people I know do Facebook.  I think Facebook is a great thing, even though I can’t get my sissy to do it, she just goes on mine.  But, I think it can be hurtful also because it’s sooo public.

And WTF is with people you don’t know trying to friend you from your friends??  That’s just creepy.   If you really want to fuck with people, leave a cryptic status, and everyone will try to decipher the meaning!  hahahahaha!  I could just be leaving a message cuz I’m drinking wine, and all of a sudden, everyone is concerned.  My girlfriend left a status about a wedding and we all thought she was engaged!  We all have very active imaginations, and Faceboook can let them run wild!  I bet if I changed my status to married, my phone would blow up! Hmmmmm, maybe an experiment??

If we put a pretty label on it, does it make it better??

Okay, so how many of you have been in a relationship and ended it because of the other person cheating??  I’ve been in relationships that ended because I or we weren’t in love, the timing wasn’t right and so on.  It’s amazing how quickly we bounce back from those type of breakups because the reason that we ended them makes sense in our heads.

Now, let’s go to the breakup that keeps us coming back for more in our heads.  We’ve been cheated on.  This one really sucks dick because even if it’s not our fault, and by the way, it’s not our fault, we somehow have a way of dwelling on it.  What did I do wrong?  What could I have done differently?  What was I not giving the person that they went and looked for it in another person?

Bottom line is, some people have deficiencies in themselves and are trying to figure out what they need and keep trying to fill it up.  You can give a person your mind, body, heart and soul and it may never be enough for the other.

I’m not saying everyone cheats, don’t get me wrong, but I’m finding a lot of them out there and in the news and stuff.  I mean, come on, Sandra Bullock and Elin, Tiger’s wife?  Both beautiful women, seemingly (I don’t know either personally) nice, and they were both blindsided.

It’s interesting that both husbands have a disease of “sexual addiction”.  It’s so convenient to put a label on it, go to rehab for it and be cured of it!  Do they really think if they call it a disease, their wife is gonna take them back??  WTF is wrong with them?

I think the disease should be called “I’m a selfish prick who can’t keep my pants on and am trying to deal with my insecurities”.  Now THAT’S the name of a disease!  I hope that their sexual disease didn’t spread any infectious disease!

Why is it if we call it something medical, people excuse it?  And why is the person that got hurt, the one that feels like shit or inadequate?  The cheater says they are sorry, or in some cases doesn’t acknowledge their fault, but the fall out on the cheated on is so big.

I wish I could tell everyone that’s been cheated on, (and this includes me) that it’s not our fault!  I didn’t tell my bf to go stick his dick in someone else and not tell me about it!  I got to find out from text messages!  Super Fun!  BTW, don’t you think with cell phones and texting, the cheater catch rate has gone up exponentially??

So, after we’ve been cheated on, what’s the down time?  How long before we trust again?  Is there a set time?  3 weeks, a year, ever??  Do we ever get over it enough to open our hearts again?  I’m a pretty trusting person, and I like to think I have an open heart and head, but at the moment, I find myself doubting the intentions of other people.  And it’s fucking with my noggin.

I know I’m a good person and I know I’m putting good people in my life, but late at night after one or two glasses of my vino, the doubts creep in.  Maybe that’s what happens with the cheaters too, they have doubts about themselves and try and fill those doubts with a person who tells them what they need at that moment.  Or maybe I’m making excuses for the lying cheating bastards!  hahahahahaha!  Oh well, I can only try and make myself whole, not the rest of the world.  Thoughts??

Old habits die hard

Reading through my friends facebook posts today and I realize that there is a similarity between some of their guy problems.  We tend to gravitate towards the same type of man.  Why the fuck do we do that?  We know what we hate about the guy we are currently dating, but we find the next guy and he is the same.  You would think we would learn a lesson and change, but we don’t.

I was talking to a good friend yesterday and we were talking about the bad habits our parents had in raising us.  I mean the things that our parents did that hurt us when we were young.  I told her I promised myself way back when, I would never do some of those things to my kids because I knew how much it hurt me.  She told me the same thing about her mom.  Now, as we both are moms, we stayed true to those things we said when we were little and our kids are better for it.

Now, when it comes to guys, we say we are never going to repeat our mistakes, but guess what, we do!  Why can we change one area of our life that caused so much pain, and not another?  Why do our old habits die hard?? Do we keep putting out the vibe that there is a certain type of guy we want, but deep down attract the one that is bad for us?

I know what I want in a man.  Smart, funny, successful, sweet, loving, faithful, strong, independent, protective and not intimidated easily.  Why is it so hard to find all of that in one man?  I have found pieces of them in different guys, but so far have failed to find all in one.  Is it me?  Is it them?

Am I asking for the holy grail of men and am never going to find it?  There was a book written recently about settling for Mr. Okay, is that what this has come too?  I have a lot to offer a man, and am a really good girl.  I have been successful in all other aspects of my life, why do I find this one part of my life so hard to attain? Is it because I’m more focused on the other parts of my life and so it’s not a big priority?

Shit, I don’t know, I do know as I keep going, the relationship section of my life is becoming more of a priority.  Could be because my kids need me less as they move into their senior year, or maybe I’ve been without for a while and am finally missing it?  Maybe if I just stop thinking about it, something good will come from it.  If not, I still have my friends, sissy and kids and thank God I have my glass of wine at night!

ME, no ME!

So, before you start calling me a narcissist because of the title of my post, let’s consider how important it is to focus on ourselves.   Now, I’m not saying that it’s all about me (gee, that would be nice though huh??), but I find that I’m a better person in general when I take time for myself to do things that make me happy.

I know that when I get stressed, and that’s been a lot lately, I find myself heading outside and going for a walk with my dog, or a run for me.  I used to do yoga, need to start again, because it makes me really happy, so it just means carving out a little more time for me.  As my kids get older, they need me less or so they think, it’s allowing me focus a little more on myself.  Is it bad? I don’t think so, I think it’s really healthy to do the things that make you a better person, mom, wife, or friend.

The more people pull at us, the more we need to pull back a little.  I’ve gotten better at saying no, if I know it’s going to put me in a bad position.  If I can help someone, I love being able too, but as the stresses of our lives mount, we need to simplify a bit.  Now, that doesn’t mean I’m cutting back on shoes, don’t be stupid, but I find myself staying in more, and reading, or just breathing.

Maybe that’s why I am having trouble in the relationship portion, I’m staying home too much!  I think as I’ve matured (okay, those of you who know me are laughing at the mature comment) I’m learning to accept myself more, and be a little kinder to myself.  With that said, wouldn’t that make me a better person to be around?? I’m not talking about my driving, I do have an issue with beeping at other drivers for their obvious mistakes, but I want to be a more tolerant person, which means I have to be more tolerant with me.

I’m the hardest person I know on myself and I’m a work in progress.  Maybe that’s the lesson I need to learn to move forward in the relationship arena.  I love myself very much, and know I’m a good person, mom and friend, but sometimes we all need a little reminder of that.  So that being said, maybe I need 2 walks with my dog today!

Do nice guys finish first or last??

So, I’ve been thinking (I know, a dangerous thing) about the men I’ve dated and the guys my friends have dated and/or are married too and I’m wondering where do the nice guys place? When we were younger and not as smart, it seems we always wanted the “bad boy”.  You know the one your parents wouldn’t really want you to date? I think it was more of a rebellious thing, kinda like they you aren’t the boss of me attitude. Then because of that, do we continue to seek out the bad boy?  Is it ingrained in us?

I think about Sandra Bullock and her marriage, even though Jesse James looked like a bad boy, he seemed really sweet on Celebrity Apprentice. Well, we know what’s happened with that one!  I feel so bad for her that not only she is going through this, but in the public eye.

As we age, I think we begin to appreciate the nice guy.  I have two girlfriends that are married to the nicest men.  I love that for them and I want that for myself.  I want  a guy who does what he says, and means what he says and it’s kind.  I want someone to treat me well, call me just to hear my voice and be a great guy to be with.

I’ve dated a few of the bad ones, and although it may be exciting at first, it gets really old fast. Nothing worse than a guy making plans with you and then never following through with them.  I’m sure it happens to men too, there are bad girls out there also!  Why do we continue to put up with their shit and also make excuses for their behavior??  I used to do that for my ex constantly, because I didn’t want my friends to think he was a dick, which btw, he was.  I’m too old to make excuses for anyones behavior.

I think the nice guy has gotten a bad rep because people think he gets walked all over.  Now, I will say I have a very strong personality, and if someone never calls me on my shit I can tend to roll over people.  I’m not doing it meanly (most of the time hahahahah!), but I usually say what I’m thinking and what you see is what you get.  I know I’m not everyones cup of tea and that’s quite all right with me.  But where are the nice, sweet, caring guys with a smart, funny personality hiding????  I’m tired of turning every rock over.  I live in the freaking desert and there are shit loads of rocks!!  Does that mean there are shit loads of assholes out here too??