worst “bidet” ever!!!

So, this post has absolutely nothing to do with dating, but it’s really funny in a gross kind of way.  My sister and I have the best dog ever.  His name is Braveheart and he’s  a pretty big goldendoodle.  We love him to death and think if we could ever find a man we love as much, maybe we wouldn’t be single! 

Last night, I’m sitting on my couch enjoying a glass of wine and Brave needs to go outside to go potty. I let him out and am waiting for him to come in and he doesn’t.  Now, I live in Scottsdale, and the yards are fenced in and not very big, so after about 10 minutes, I wonder where he is.  I call him and he doesn’t come.  I go to my bedroom where my sister is thinking she let him in from that door, but she hasn’t.  I go back outside and call him and I hear his collar jingling. 

When he’s walking towards me, he has his butt tucked under him, like he has to poop still.  He goes in my bedroom and doesn’t want to lay down and still looks like he’s gonna poop, so I send him back out.  Then, he goes and lays on the grass.  I call him back over and lift his tail, and I see what the problem is.  He has a piece of shit about 2 inches long still stuck in his butt.  SO, I open the door and tell my sis that he’s praire doggin it and we are gonna have to get it out.  I am so disgusted at this point, but I can’t have that shit in my house! (no pun intended here) 

Now, I have one glove in my house so I put it on and grab a flashlight.  Cindy holds Brave, and tries to shine some light on the situation, but she’ laughing so much it’s hard to see.  I’m holding up his tail with my ungloved hand, and trying to get the poop off with some toilet paper.  I’m trying not to puke at this point and keep running into the bathroom to flush the poop down.  Now, I have tears running down my face from the dry heaving and there is still shit on his ass.  I look at Cyn and say, “we need to hose him down”. 

Well, the hose is in the front yard so we take him out there and she holds him and I start to give him basically an enema.  I’m now laughing my ass off at my sis trying to hold him (he’s about 60 lbs), and me trying to hose his ass with water and scrape the dingleberries off with my gloved hand.  As I scrape the poop off, I’m throwing it down and notice that someone has let their dog shit in my yard, (dumb ass) and am working very hard to get my dog clean.  Finally, he’s poop free, a little traumatized and wet.  His mom’s are way traumatized, and need more wine.  As we went back into the house, I realized how much I do love that dog and if I ever find a man I love as much, would I be willing to hose his ass down too??  Just a  thought.