When being single is chosen for you.

Every time I have become single again, it’s because either I have chosen to end the relationship, or the other person has.  For several of my friends though, the choice to become single was determined by fate.  Their husbands, wives died while they were married.  All of them were very much in love with their spouses at the time and with all of them had children. 

I think, how horrible it must be to lose the person you love the most and know that you have to move forward when all you want to do is die yourself.  One of my best friends and I were talking about this subject this last weekend.  She lost her husband over 17 years ago and still feels the sadness.  Now, she certainly has moved on and forward, but she still feels the pain of the loss. 

She was telling me about looking at one of my friends who had lost his wife a few years ago and said she saw a lot of sadness about him.  Now, I haven’t had this type of loss in my life and I can’t imagine the pain that is involved.  I’ve lost a dad, but not a lover.  My heart goes out to them and I never know what to say.  I want to encourage them, but since I haven’t been in their shoes, it’s  difficult to know what to say. 

When I’ve broken up with someone, or vice verse, you get over it by being angry, sad, lonely, but you go on.  You may wonder what they are doing, but it’s not all consuming.  (well, it was in college for me, but it was my first love) 

When someone is taken away from you, how do you see the light at the end of the tunnel?  For some people it’s their faith, some people it’s their kids and families and some crawl into a bottle.  When is it time for them to move forward and look for love again?  Is there a timetable?  I would think it’s very individual and my girlfriend told me it took her years. 

What happens when you fall in love with someone who has had this loss?  Do you talk about their spouse with them?  Do you avoid it?  Can the person really fall in love with someone else when part of their heart was killed too?  I admire tremendously the spirit and capacity to love these people have and my heart hurts for them too.  I guess my question is, although your heart is damaged badly, can it be put back together again enough to love again?  I like to think so…..