Timing is everything

How many times have you met the perfect person for you and everything clicks except the timing.  This has happened to me so many times that I wonder if it’s the most important part of finding that someone.  It certainly does create a lot of pain.  I mean, you’ve met the perfect someone, you are having a great time getting to know each other, the chemistry is there and then the bomb is dropped. 

 Maybe they live out of state and neither one of you can move and because you have kids, it’s going to be a while.  Maybe they just are starting to get a divorce or are newly divorced and they haven’t dealt with all the emotionally shit they need too.  Whatever the issue at hand is, timing is critical when developing a relationship.  We all think we can make it work for us, but the truth seems to be that timing stops for no one. 

I go through my past relationships and they all have a few things in common.  Kids, long distance, and with one a marriage.  Now, I didn’t know the guy was married, he lied to me and told me he had been divorced a year and by the time I was told the truth, I was in love with him.  He also had small kids and lived across the country from me.  Everything was perfect except for those things and eventually, those things did us in.  He did get divorced btw, but broke my heart a few times along the way.  I wasn’t going to leave my kids to live in his state and he couldn’t do that as well. 

Another man I have loved in the past lives in another state and has little ones too.  (sense a theme here??)  He’s wonderful in every sense of the word, but again, distance and kids prevent the timing. 

A friend of mine recently got married to a man she hadn’t known for very long.  She told me that it just felt right and she was just going to go with it.  I don’t seem to be able to be that free. 

I like to know how things will work out and yes, I like to have control.  I wonder if I could let go of that control and put it in someone else’s hands, would it work out?  My fear of losing that control and giving it to another that might not take good care of it keeps me standing still. 

 I always wonder how I’m still single, but as I continue to write, I find insight into myself and start to answer my own questions.  Maybe I need to learn to trust and just be.  That’s a really hard one to learn when you’ve been burned in the past though.  It’s like crowd surfing, are they going to catch you or let you fall???