What hurts more, change or complacency?
November 6, 2009 at 10:59am11 1 comment
I’m trying to figure out the least painful way out of an ever-increasing painful situation. Is life truly like a band-aid where if we rip it off really fast, it will only hurt for a minute? Or, if we do nothing and ignore the signs, it will hurt longer, but not as much. When we see the signs that a relationship is dying, or dead or maybe limping really badly, why is it so hard to discuss it with the person that is involved?
Is seems that there is a huge white elephant in the room and no one wants to talk about it. Maybe the fear that the elephant will leave is so great that I figure if I put a lamp shade on it and pretend it’s a lamp, eventually, the light will go off in my head and I’ll have my answer.
Or maybe if I just keep ignoring it, it will turn back into the love that I had once? I don’t know, WTF man?? In my head, I’ve played out the conversations thousands of times over and every time the result is the same, but when I open my mouth, none of the words are there. What happens to your words between your stomach and your mouth? How do they keep getting swallowed instead of spit out?
I need to be a bulimic with my words and just purge them out, but for some stupid reason I can’t. I know it’s fear that holds my words, which is so strange because so many people find me fearless. When it comes to my business, I have no fears. I know what I’m supposed to do and when I’m supposed to do it and I’m very good at sharing those thoughts with everyone around me even to their dislike.
When it comes to men though, I’m scared shitless. Does it go back to losing my Dad? Is it just that the only thing I’ve failed at in life is my relationships and I’m sick of failing again? It sucks that the one thing I want most of all, is the one thing that always alludes me.
Please don’t give me the “when you’re least looking you’ll find it, or the stop trying so hard” shit. NOT interested in hearing it. I know that all ready, I’m just voicing my thoughts here people, not trying to get you to fix me. Sometimes, if we put it down in writing and make it public, it’s easier to handle. Funny how I can write my feelings, but I can’t voice them. I think I have feelings laryngitis. And yes, I just made that up because I wanted too.
Entry filed under: still single, why still single, dating, relationships, men, women, sex. Tags: change, failed relationships, men, why still single, women.
1. latenightdrunkdialer | November 15, 2009 at 10:59pm11
I think I know exactly the feeling. I am a 27 year old guy whom has been fighting feelings for a woman that is a few years – okay 14 years older than I – for a long time (4 years.) I have now met a new girl that is absolutely perfect – has a great job, is adorable, AND has an AMAZING family – something that I have never had in my life! My trouble is, everytime i seem to get close to the new girl – the “cougar” keeps coming back into the picture. Now I should add that the “coug” has a live in that she has had for 10 years, and has been “trying” to get rid of him, but cant seem to make that jump. We have been intimate several times together, and as I travel for my job, we have met in different locations all over the country to keep our “relationship” on the DL. I am really falling for the new girl, but have concerns that I am really falling for her family – does that make any sense – as I still have very DEEP feelings for the ‘cougar’ – but I, and all of my friends that know the situation, know that NOTHING will ever come from that relationship other than heartache and pain. I have even gone as far as buying a very large diamond ring for the “new girl” whom I have known for 15 years i should add, but i want to make sure things are right – does anyone have any advice for me?