gut instincts…
January 2, 2010 at 10:59pm01 3 comments
I think it’s funny how as I get older my gut instincts get better and more reliable. Is it just life experiences that make it happen, or is it that I’m just more in tune with myself. Every time without exception, I knew when a boyfriend was cheating on me. It started in college with my first love and after my divorce happened again with a boyfriend. I always knew right when it was happening. Weird huh?
I also knew when I was about to get dumped by a guy. The one guy that I was in love with 7 years ago dumped me just after Christmas, and I knew it was coming even though we weren’t having problems at the time. Okay, maybe there was a problem, since I got dumped, but it wasn’t having to do with me. He was still married and had been lying to me about it and….. well it’s a really long story. Suffice it to say, I felt it coming. BTW, it really sucks getting dumped between Christmas and New Years Eve, don’t do that to someone.
So how do we know and why do we know? I mean, I’m totally grateful for my gut instinct, but it kinda sucks knowing the other shoe is about to drop and not being able to stop it. Cuz, you know something is gonna happen, so should you be proactive in dealing with it? Do you say, Dude, I think you’re about to dump me, so let’s get it over with? Or do you dump them first? What happens if your gut instinct is off? HAHAHAHAH! Wouldn’t that be funny? You make a preemptive strike and find out that it was never gonna happen? Okay, maybe I’m feeling sadistic today and it’s not really funny. The sitting and waiting stinks though. Heck I don’t know. When you keep thinking about it to the point that it’s consuming your day, maybe that’s the time you open your mouth.
I think the song by John Mayer, Say, is a great song and my 2010 is going to listen to myself more and worry about the shit going on around me, which I have no control over, a lot less. I don’t mean to be narcissistic, but I am getting too old to let someone else dictate the direction of my life. I don’t believe in New Years resolutions, but if I did, I think that would be it.
Entry filed under: still single, why still single, dating, relationships, men, women, sex. Tags: getting dumped, gut instincts, men, relationships, women.
1. "lantz" | January 2, 2010 at 10:59pm01
Okay Krissy, I haven’t commented in a long time, but thought I would leave a couple of thoughts for you. I think you hit the nail on the head, just say what you need to say. There are consequences of course of being blunt, and that tends to be a trademark of mine. But you do need to go with your gut and say what needs to be said or done. Be proactive and do it when you think it is right
I commented to our mutual friend & ex-gf yesterday that if the relationship I am in ended, it wouldn’t be terrible. That comment coming out of my mouth tells me what my gut is feeling: that while I enjoy the company, the companionship and the physical side, she is not the “one” nor does it appear that she has what it takes to become the one. To dump or not to dump….. or do you just enjoy the ride? While she does not dictate the direction I am taking with my life, do you just end it and move on? It is probably better to do it soon, less investment in time, money and energy. But when to do it when things are going along well and bot of you are enjoying it? Back to the gut instinct: let it tell me when it is the right time and just enjoy the fun. What does the female side say?
Love to you Kris!!! And Happy New Year! May 2010 be better for you, me and our friend L8Y K8.
2. kisskiss | January 2, 2010 at 10:59pm01
Hey there! This post kind of goes along with Change or Complacency, which hurts worse. I think it’s totally up to the person as to the when to cut it off. I think you will know when to send her packing. I also don’t think it’s a bad thing to just let it ride unless she is expecting a lot from you relationship. If she’s thinking marriage and you’re thinking a good time, then the time to end it is now. It’s not good to lead her on. My other thought on it is if you invest time with her, does it prevent you from finding the “one”? Time with her means no time to find the person you want to be with. If that doesn’t cross your mind then leave it alone for the moment. And when you decide to change your friends will be there for you! Love to you too and 2010 is gonna be a great year for all of us! Muah!
3. Matt lockart | January 7, 2010 at 10:59pm01
When you talk about gut instincts, I sum it up as having a certain feeling about something. The one thing Ive learned about feelings: Feelings are not facts; they are just feelings. I think its important to talk with someone about how you are feeling to see whether or not it aligns with the facts.
Having worked in psychiatry, I often see people who fear abandonment. THis fear drives them to start looking for clues as to whether or not the person still loves/cares for them. OFten times, they will start investigating that person and suspicion reigns. THis fear invades the relationship and the “energy” btw the two people changes. THe other person feels controlled and uncomfortable and ultimately seeks to leave the relationship. The person with the abandonment issue then gets reassurance that their initial feelings were correct and the cycle continues into the next relationship. The person often preserves their ego by short circuiting this cycle and simply leaves before they are left.
I bring these people up because we are all like them to a certain degree.
I always think about these people when I am working on my own relationships, and I always ask myself: I am I creating my own reality in some way? Then I challenge myself to be present in my life, remind myself I am powerless over people, places and things, and be honest as possible about my feelings and who/what I want in my life.