If we put a pretty label on it, does it make it better??

Okay, so how many of you have been in a relationship and ended it because of the other person cheating??  I’ve been in relationships that ended because I or we weren’t in love, the timing wasn’t right and so on.  It’s amazing how quickly we bounce back from those type of breakups because the reason that we ended them makes sense in our heads.

Now, let’s go to the breakup that keeps us coming back for more in our heads.  We’ve been cheated on.  This one really sucks dick because even if it’s not our fault, and by the way, it’s not our fault, we somehow have a way of dwelling on it.  What did I do wrong?  What could I have done differently?  What was I not giving the person that they went and looked for it in another person?

Bottom line is, some people have deficiencies in themselves and are trying to figure out what they need and keep trying to fill it up.  You can give a person your mind, body, heart and soul and it may never be enough for the other.

I’m not saying everyone cheats, don’t get me wrong, but I’m finding a lot of them out there and in the news and stuff.  I mean, come on, Sandra Bullock and Elin, Tiger’s wife?  Both beautiful women, seemingly (I don’t know either personally) nice, and they were both blindsided.

It’s interesting that both husbands have a disease of “sexual addiction”.  It’s so convenient to put a label on it, go to rehab for it and be cured of it!  Do they really think if they call it a disease, their wife is gonna take them back??  WTF is wrong with them?

I think the disease should be called “I’m a selfish prick who can’t keep my pants on and am trying to deal with my insecurities”.  Now THAT’S the name of a disease!  I hope that their sexual disease didn’t spread any infectious disease!

Why is it if we call it something medical, people excuse it?  And why is the person that got hurt, the one that feels like shit or inadequate?  The cheater says they are sorry, or in some cases doesn’t acknowledge their fault, but the fall out on the cheated on is so big.

I wish I could tell everyone that’s been cheated on, (and this includes me) that it’s not our fault!  I didn’t tell my bf to go stick his dick in someone else and not tell me about it!  I got to find out from text messages!  Super Fun!  BTW, don’t you think with cell phones and texting, the cheater catch rate has gone up exponentially??

So, after we’ve been cheated on, what’s the down time?  How long before we trust again?  Is there a set time?  3 weeks, a year, ever??  Do we ever get over it enough to open our hearts again?  I’m a pretty trusting person, and I like to think I have an open heart and head, but at the moment, I find myself doubting the intentions of other people.  And it’s fucking with my noggin.

I know I’m a good person and I know I’m putting good people in my life, but late at night after one or two glasses of my vino, the doubts creep in.  Maybe that’s what happens with the cheaters too, they have doubts about themselves and try and fill those doubts with a person who tells them what they need at that moment.  Or maybe I’m making excuses for the lying cheating bastards!  hahahahahaha!  Oh well, I can only try and make myself whole, not the rest of the world.  Thoughts??

Old habits die hard

Reading through my friends facebook posts today and I realize that there is a similarity between some of their guy problems.  We tend to gravitate towards the same type of man.  Why the fuck do we do that?  We know what we hate about the guy we are currently dating, but we find the next guy and he is the same.  You would think we would learn a lesson and change, but we don’t.

I was talking to a good friend yesterday and we were talking about the bad habits our parents had in raising us.  I mean the things that our parents did that hurt us when we were young.  I told her I promised myself way back when, I would never do some of those things to my kids because I knew how much it hurt me.  She told me the same thing about her mom.  Now, as we both are moms, we stayed true to those things we said when we were little and our kids are better for it.

Now, when it comes to guys, we say we are never going to repeat our mistakes, but guess what, we do!  Why can we change one area of our life that caused so much pain, and not another?  Why do our old habits die hard?? Do we keep putting out the vibe that there is a certain type of guy we want, but deep down attract the one that is bad for us?

I know what I want in a man.  Smart, funny, successful, sweet, loving, faithful, strong, independent, protective and not intimidated easily.  Why is it so hard to find all of that in one man?  I have found pieces of them in different guys, but so far have failed to find all in one.  Is it me?  Is it them?

Am I asking for the holy grail of men and am never going to find it?  There was a book written recently about settling for Mr. Okay, is that what this has come too?  I have a lot to offer a man, and am a really good girl.  I have been successful in all other aspects of my life, why do I find this one part of my life so hard to attain? Is it because I’m more focused on the other parts of my life and so it’s not a big priority?

Shit, I don’t know, I do know as I keep going, the relationship section of my life is becoming more of a priority.  Could be because my kids need me less as they move into their senior year, or maybe I’ve been without for a while and am finally missing it?  Maybe if I just stop thinking about it, something good will come from it.  If not, I still have my friends, sissy and kids and thank God I have my glass of wine at night!