In the still of the night…

Why is it when you go through a break up with someone for whatever reason, it hurts so much more at night??  Ever notice it?   You can go all through the day not even thinking about him, and soon as you’re home relaxing on the couch having a great glass of vino,  it hits you like a smack in the face.

It could be, we finally slow our minds down enough it allows those thoughts of the break up in, or it could be your drinking alcohol and it’s making you sad about it.  And why do we always focus on the good times and how much we miss them?? WTF is wrong with us??

We drink a little and all of a sudden, all their bad habits, you know the ones that are on your “what I hate about you list”  are not even in our heads, which they should be.  And btw, I know you all have “what I hate about you” lists, it’s when that list is longer than the “what I love about you” list is when you break up.  Especially when the hate list includes, how he eats, how he puts on his underwear, how he showers…… okay, those were on one of my lists before I broke up with the guy.  His love list was he was on time.  HAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Do you ever find yourself with someone you want to break up with and watch them eat and think to yourself, “I soooo fucking hate how you eat”!  I wonder if my eyes ever squint when I’m thinking that and looking at him. Thank God for botox, it keeps the disgusted expression off my face.  Anyway, let’s get back to the subject.

Late at night, when we drink and have time, is it the drinking and having time the reason we overlook the bad in the relationship??  Or are we being more honest with our feelings.  Btw, I always recommend removing the person you’ve broked up with phone number from your cell.  It helps to prevent drunky dialing or texting.  It really sucks when you wake up in the morning and look at your phone and your texts and think OMG, why the fuck did I send that??? I don’t really miss him, he sucked in bed so why did I text him and tell him I want to see him again?????

Loneliness mixed with wine will sometimes do baaaadddd things to you.  So, thank goodness for the morning light to shed some light on the fact that you’ve broke up with this person for good reasons, and you need to remember these reasons even during the still of the night.

Is there a love at first sight gene??

So, my sissy and I were talking this week about all the people who say they just “knew” when the met the love of their lives.  You know the story….. We saw each other from across the bar and our eyes connected and I told my girlfriend, “I’m gonna marry that man!”  Ugh, I think I just frew up a bit in my mouf.

They always go on to say, “He/she just gets me” or “I feel complete when I’m with him!”  Is it really possible to “know” when you meet someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with them??  What happens  if when you first talk to them, they have a really annoying voice, you gonna put up with that forever??

I’m not trying to discount the relationships that have started like this and are still intact, but do you really think that’s how it went down?  Or are they just trying to make a good story.  Truth is, they proly met on Match or another dating website  and are too embarrassed to talk about it, so they make up some big fat lie of a story to make the rest of us feel like shit for never having that happen to us too!

Is desperation playing into their choice of mates?  I think some people want to feel it so bad, they will take anyone, anywhere, anytime.  I used to work with a girl like that, every Monday it was the same story…… “He gets me and he thinks I’m so funny!”  Bitch please, you are not funny, I work with you, and you’re stupid.  And we have a nickname for you and it starts with Crazy…  She was such an effin nightmare, if I was a guy I would put a ball gag in her mouf just to shut her the fuck up.

So back to the gene deficiency my sissy and I have.  Do we blame our mom??  Or is it that we are much too practical or have been hurt too many times, that we’ve lost the ability believe in love at first sight?  Does the amount of hurt you’ve experienced continually jade you to the thought of love at first sight?? Or is it like Santa Clause?  We know we get presents, and when we are little and innocent we think we know where they come from, but eventually it’s one big slap in the Christmas morning face! Wake up Junior!  Santa doesn’t visit here anymore!!!!!

Okay, so don’t think I’m a bitch because I totally believe in love.  I want to find my happily ever after and am certain I will.  I just don’t think it’s going to start across a bar gazing into a strangers eyes…..

He doesn’t own dishes….

So, one of my friends at work meets a guy 2 weekends ago and thinks he’s really cute and decides to go out on a date with him.  They set up drinks and dinner for mid week, you know the kind of date that’s easy to bail out on, cuz suddenly you have to get to work “early” the next day??  Those dates, btw, highly underrated, they give you a chance to get to know someone without a lot of booze and a built in excuse.  Now, my friend is super cute and funny and smart and has her shit together, she is also in the low 30 age range so highly dateable.

They meet after work at a wine bar, and guess what, she want’s to look at the wine list and maybe share a bottle.  The guy who is in low 30 range too, doesn’t want any wine, because he doesn’t drink wine.  Kinda weird to someone my age, but okay, have a drink dude. Well, he doesn’t want a drink because he know no moderation.  It’s all or nothing for this one, either raging drunk or stone cold sober.  I would have left at that point, but then again, I’m a little jaded.

They get to know one another and the guy starts talking about how he doesn’t own any dishes.  Ok, this guy isn’t 19, he’s like 32 and he OWNS NO DISHES!!!!  WTF???? Is he living in his mom’s basement??  He should be!  He eats cereal outta a red party cup and tells her it’s easier to drink the milk that way.  He steals his silverware from Chipotle, and he doesn’t have a freaking wine glass, but once again, he doesn’t drink wine.

I want to tell him, dude, you are never getting laid by someone your age or within 5 years of your age.  There is no hanging out at his house making dinner and having a lovely glass of vino.  It’s carry out all the way and btw, if you don’t use that knife, can I have it??  Maybe he should cut his balls off with it, because he’s not going to need them anyway!

Women like things, like dishes and glasses and silverware that is different then the kind they use at the airport.  That means silverware, not plastic.  Target and Crate & Barrel are good resources guys for anyone who is interested and in this age group.  At least I got a good laugh out of the story, and my friend had a good reason to leave early.  She needed to be at work.